Love them or hate them kids are a wild time. Sometimes however it's a heck of a lot easier to hate kids when you see how they treat people. Sometimes that treatment just makes some people snap, for understandable reasons. These are the meanest things workers have done to children to get revenge.
Giraffe Gaffe
“I worked at a Toys R Us twice doing seasonal work around the holidays. Anyway, you have to find ways to amuse yourself and keep from going insane with all the bratty kids and exasperated parents. So I did one pretty terrible thing that I have no remorse for.
I was scheduled to work the first shift on Black Friday, and they made me wear the Geoffrey the giraffe costume. First rule is, don’t talk. Dance, pose for photos and keep your mouth shut, don’t ruin it for the kids. A particularly awful kid kept punching me in the balls while I was posing with him for the photo, I was in the suit but it still hurt. Wouldn’t cut it out, so after the photo was taken, I knelt down got my giraffe head at his eye level, and whispered ‘Your parents told me not to say anything, but you were adopted.’
That little turd started wailing so loud, crying his eyes out. Made everyone waiting in the rain outside at six in the morning on a freezing cold day even more miserable. Best part was, the parents complained but since I was in costume and they had just hired a metric-ton of new people they had no idea who had done it.”
“Because God Is Crying”
“I was working as a lifeguard at a community pool one summer, and they let groups rent it out for private parties after hours. I got stuck working it one day. The group was a stuck up Christian group with a bunch of whiny, bratty kids who did the exact opposite anything one of us lifeguards said.
I’m on the top of a really tall slide sending kids down and it starts to rain and the kid in particular that had been annoying me off all day asks me why is it raining. I replied, ‘Because God is crying’ trying to keep within the groups values and not wanting to get fired by explaining science and outraging them off. He then says ‘Well why is God crying?’ I calmly said ‘Probably because of something you did.’
Horrible, probably. Satisfying, very much so.”
One Snow Ball Too Many
“When I was 18, I was walking to my wretched job at Papa Johns. It happened to have snowed pretty bad the prior weekend. So as I’m walking down the street, there are three little kids playing in the snow between ages 5-10. The chunky one (and probably the oldest of the 3) is throwing the other two in the snow and shoving snow in their faces. I think, ‘What a little turd, but kids will be kids,’ and move on my way.
I get a bit past them and notice a snow ball break at my feet. I turn around and this fat Eric Cartman wannabe is throwing snow balls at me. I try to continue walking only to have him follow me and launch another snow ball. This one hits the back of my leg. I turn around and give him a verbal warning. He calls me an idiot and throws a third snowball… nope, it’s solid ice.
Okay you turd, you asked for it. I start walking towards him at a fast pace. He picks up another snowball, throws it, and runs. I run after him. This 10-year-old is no match in a foot race against a snail, let alone me. I catch up to him, grab him by his back collar and throw him in the snow. I start grabbing snow and shoving it in his face, then down the back of his jacket, then back in his face. This went on until I couldn’t feel my hands anymore. I get up and tell him, ‘That was a long time coming, punk’ and proceed to work. Not a single regret.”
“Devil Kid” Doesn’t Even Start To Describe This Child
“While teaching in Japan there was one kid was just a little devil, and had no respect for me or the other students. I spoke with my office about this several times, but I was told it’s Japanese culture to let their kids go wild during childhood because they would soon be under enormous stress once they hit junior high. I thought it was a major cop out, but whatever.
Well, this little brat was being particularly annoying one day, and actually shoved a little girl, who just fell face first to the floor and smashed her forehead against the ground. These students are only about 4 to 5 years old. When I saw what he’d done, I checked on the girl and saw she had a massive welt, at least the size of a golf ball if not bigger swelling up on her forehead.
I called my office to report the incident, while restraining the kid, who proceeded to dig his nails into my arm, drawing blood. All they said was to try my best for the rest of the lesson, and they could try to let the mom of the girl know what happened.
Long story short, we ended up drawing pictures at the end of class, and he decided to make a paper air plane instead. He started to throw it around and was laughing and having a great time. This is when I snatched it from him and crumpled the paper right there as he looked at me, and I threw it in the trash. The kid lost his mind and just cried uncontrollably for the last few minutes of class. His mom showed up and I could tell he was telling her what I did. But I could literally not care less since I don’t speak Japanese. I just smiled at her and said thank you for coming.”
“Guess That’s What Happens When You Have Kids”
“I worked at this BBQ joint that had really narrow, awkwardly arranged tables, so I always had to lean a bit over to serve the food. There was this table with a really obnoxious 4-year-old that kept grabbing at everything — my hands, my clothes, the tray I was serving from, untied my apron and my pens and cash flew everywhere. This went all the whole meal and the parents didn’t do a thing about it and the dad said it served me right for taking a job in food service. Total boors, and I knew I wasn’t getting a decent tip out of them.
So towards the end of their meal they order dessert — peanut butter silk pie (yes, it is as delicious as it sounds) which is ooey-gooey sticky pie heaven. I make sure to cover it in an extra mound of whipped cream and balance it precariously on the side of my tray, counter-balanced with a couple of soda refills for the parents. Sure enough, when I got to the table, the little monster made a grab for the tray and everything conveniently capsized all over him and his parents. They were covered in diet coke, whipped cream, and the stickiest peanut putter pie you can imagine!
I looked appropriately chagrined and said ‘I am SO sorry. Guess that’s what happens when you have kids.’ Even managed to make it back to the kitchen before I cracked up, along with most of the Front of House staff.”
He Could Have Hurt Her
“My mum once admitted to me about something that happened when she taught primary school in the late 70s and she had this one trouble kid. You know the type; never been told no, bully of the playground, violent. His parents wouldn’t take responsibility for his behavior and bailed him out whenever he got into trouble. Putting him in the corner and other non-physical punishments had little to no effect on him.
Then one day, my mum is doing her normal playground rounds and she finds the boy on top of a little girl, smacking her head into the pavement.
So she drags them apart and takes the crying girl to the school nurse who pronounces her not seriously hurt, but only because she was lucky. By this time mum is ridiculously angry; the boy could have killed the little girl, would have probably if mum hadn’t interceded. She knows nothing will change if she calls the parents and the headmaster is useless. So she takes the boy into the class room, shuts the door, and takes out one of those long wooden rulers.
Now I know what you’re thinking right now, beating children is bad, not to mention she could lose her job. Mum isn’t thinking about that. She isn’t a violent person – never raised a hand against any of her three kids – but this boy has gone too far.
She smacks him right across the backs of his thighs with the ruler. Not too hard, just enough to show she means business. Two things happen: 1) A split in the wood of the ruler pops open with the pressure of the blow and then pinches closed again on his skin. 2) The kid screams bloody murder.
She swears you could hear it through the entire school. Luckily nothing was said of the incident and from then on the kid behaved himself… especially when mum had her ruler out.”
Don’t Trust Strangers
“I was working in retail at a clothing store in the outlets. We get a ton of foreign customers, mostly from Japan and Europe, and one day there was this little Japanese kid running around our store. He had a DS in one hand and the other hand was used to maliciously tear down our store. I mean he would run around knocking shirts down, moving display tables, even ripping off tags.
My manager eventually saw this and asked if I could take care of it. So I walk up to the parents and ask them very calmly and nicely if they can maybe look after their kid better. They scoffed at me and said that’s why they bought him the DS. Then they turned to their son and said ‘This is why you need to study very hard son and not slack off in school because then you’ll end up like him and not go anywhere in life.’ I was 16 and this was my first job, it’s not like I was 30 working in the outlets so that was pretty uncalled for.
They then continued to shop and almost trash our store as much as their kid. So since the kid is still messing everything up I walk over to him and ask him what game he’s playing. He said Pokemon Black. I loved Pokemon as a kid and still do so I asked him about it for a second and found out that this little 8 year old kid goes to a bunch of tournaments and matches for Pokemon. He tells me that he has over 400 hours in his Pokemon game already (and this wasn’t very long after the release of the game) so I knew this kid was serious about his Pokemon.
He even brags to me and says that he got all 646 Pokemon already and completed the National Pokedex. At this point I’ve had enough of this 8 year old trash talker and I tell him, ‘Wait what do you mean you got all 646? You don’t have 648? You don’t know about the two secret Pokemon they released only here in America?’
The kid looks stunned and I tell him that I can show him how to get them if he wants. He hastily hands over his DS in excitement probably thinking about how cool he’s gonna be since he’s the only one of his friends with two secret Pokemon. I just take that DS and delete the save then hand it back. It takes a second for the kid to register what just happened when he looked on his screen and saw his save file gone.
He actually started crying pretty loud and the parents rushed up to me yelling at me about what just happened. I said ‘This is why you need to have good parenting skills and not slack of in raising your child, because then you’ll end up with a kid like him who will not go anywhere in life’. They then angrily left the store. Told my manager what happened after expecting to get punished and she gave me a high five haha. I’ve never thought making a kid cry could feel so good, I wanted to taste his tears!”
I’m Going To Do This Again
“Not only have I done this, but I have done it repeatedly to multiple children on numerous occasions and intend to continue doing so until some irate parent punches me in the nose:
Every time I end up stuck in a checkout line with whiny or crying little children (think CostCo) and the parents of the little brat aren’t doing a thing to fix this for the rest of us, I will calmly turn to the brat and repeat whatever they were crying about back at them in the exact same tone at full volume. ‘MOOOOMMMMMMYYYYYY, I WANT IT I WANT IT IWANTITIWANTITIWANTITIWANTIT!!!!!’ That coming from a fully grown woman and directed at a squalling brat will shut the kid up so fast, you wouldn’t believe it. Of course the entire checkout line then awkwardly avoids eye contact with me for the rest of the trip, but I have a smart phone so it’s all good.”
Gave Me The Finger
“I ruined a kid’s Christmas and probably his life too. I was in a line waiting to pay for some items for, it was Christmas after work, it was busy and it was stressful. I was about 6th cue and the guy behind me had his son with him. His son (about 10) was the whiny, spoiled type and his dad was the rich, I’m better than you type.
The dad wouldn’t calm his hyperactive son down, who kept screaming and punching things, my Leg included, when I turned to the dad and said ‘please could you ask your son to not hit me,’ to which he replied ‘he can do whatever he wants, now mind your own business.’
I was shocked, and insulted. So I turned to the kid and said ‘hey what is Santa getting you for Christmas?’ before he could reply, myself in the most abrupt and rude voice I could, said, ‘NOTHING BECAUSE HE ISN’T REAL’ the kid cried and I just stared straight into the Dads eyes with that look of a man who is in the point of self destruction. I finished off my terror and replied with an overly nice voice and a smile ‘have a lovely Christmas’ and walked off.
Could not have cared less that day.”
Shouldn’t Have Left Your Seats
“I was working at a movie theater, and we get a complaint about some kids being loud and running around the auditorium during the film, so I go in to investigate. Keep in mind another employee had already told them to sit quietly once, so this was their second strike. I walk into the theater to see a pair of 8-10-year-olds goofing around on the steps. I told them to go back to their seats, which they promptly did, leaving something behind.
We sell these horrible over-priced snack boxes that contain a tiny drink, a few kernels of popcorn, and a pack of fruit gummy candies. One of the kids, in his haste to return to his seat, had forgotten his, leaving it sitting on the steps.
Considering that this was now a tripping hazard, I took the snack box and walk to the trash cans just outside the auditorium. Before I threw it in, I notice the sealed and undamaged pack of candy sitting proudly amidst the crumbs of popcorn I pocketed the uncontaminated gummies, threw the remains away, and left.
One of the kids came out of the theater a couple minutes later and tried to retrieve his snack box from the garbage. I promptly informed him that his seat was inside the auditorium, and that he should be occupying it.”
Keep Your Racket Up Kid
“I used to coach tennis to high schoolers (I was actually fresh out of high school myself), and during one drill where I’m feeding volleys, this one kid didn’t want to do the proper technique (basically keeping your arms and racket up and getting on your toes). Because they’re junior varsity, I’m not feeding the balls too hard. However, after numerous warnings this kid still didn’t want to exhibit the proper technique, so I speed up the next shot and promptly nail this kid in the nuts. He drops his racket and hits the floor instantly.
As all his teammates burst out in laughter, I call out ‘I told you to keep your racket up. Now get to the end of the line.'”
Dodgeball Kid
“I was at Urban Air (a place where all the walls and floors are trampolines) with my best friend and it was about 45 minutes until closing. We were in the dodgeball arena and as I was walking out because got hit, some 13-year-old kid walks up to me and pelts me in the face with a ball.
I made sure me and the ref became good friends before the next round.
Next round starts, and I proceed to chase the kid in circles around the entire arena pelting him with dodgeballs, completely ignoring the barriers between teams and every other rule. The ref, being about 17 years old, laughed his butt off and watched the entire time.
I stopped when he fell down and started crying.”
British Problems Require British Solutions
“When I was working in the outdoors, me and a couple of friends drove over to the local village shop to get some bottles of Newcastle for the evening.
When we arrive I’m driving so I stay in the car whilst everyone else goes inside to get stuff. Just after the guys go inside, I see a group of chavs (that can’t be more than 11-12 years old) go and sit on the wall next to the shop. They ask a few people that walk past if they would buy them cigs and they get told no repeatedly. My mates come back anyway and I point this out to them and Matt (my best bud) goes ‘Oh! Leave the engine running mate!’, gets out of the car and walks over to them. He gets the tenner they’ve been waving around and asks what cigs they want… the kids look happy as a clam as he heads into the shop…
Two minutes later he runs out of the shop with another crate of Newcastle, jumps into the car and yells at me to floor it. As we streak passed the chavs he shouts ‘Don’t give your money to strangers!’ and gives them the finger.
Unlucky chavs! Newcastle tasted much better after that “
Would Do It Again
“Once back when I was a lifeguard I was at McDonalds and these kids were running around screaming and being a nuisance in the main seating area (as opposed to the play place). I had just gotten off from working a double in the hot sun with nearly no downtime and really just wanted to vegetate.
The little hellions whizzed past me and out of habit I lifted my trusty Fox40 whistle to my mouth and blasted it as hard as I could. Now, The Company claims that a Fox40 can be heard over two miles away. I can’t vouch for the truth of that statement, but I can tell you that on a staff outing we confirmed that these whistles can be heard across the Rangers’ Ballpark in Arlington (God Bless). The whistle’s piercing note tears through that unsuspecting McDonalds like a whistle riding on a freight-train. Following hot on it’s heels in the deafened silence that followed was a bellow trained through years to reach the far end of a pool across throngs of screaming children. ‘Walk Please.’
One of the children began to whimper.
I was so out of it that I didn’t even realize I’d acted until the girl sitting across the table from me began giggling nearly three minutes later. I’d do it again.”
Bad Kids Go Splat
“We don’t get too many kids in my coffee shop, but when we do 90% of the time they are little monsters who’s parent’s let them run wild. I work at a busy store, so we have rope line dividers snaking through the front of the store. A girl who was maybe 6 or 7 decided it would be a good idea to start vaulting over the dividers. That in itself wouldn’t bother me too much, but she kept this up for nearly an hour, getting in the way of actual paying customers the whole time. I was running the shift, so I nicely asked her if she wouldn’t mind knocking it off, as she was liable to get hurt. In the snottiest way imaginable she said ‘you’re not the boss of me!’ and kept right on jumping. One of my employees suggested I go talk to the parents, but I had a better Idea. ‘Just wait, and watch.’ I told her. I noticed that with each jump she was clearing the rope by fewer and fewer inches, and it was only a matter of time before the inevitable happened. Sure enough, 5 minutes later, the little darling made her last jump, got her foot tangled in the rope, and landed smack down on the tiles, face first. It was one of the most satisfying sounds I’d ever heard. She wasn’t seriously injured or anything, but boy did she start wailing. Her absentee parents ran over and started yelling at me as if it was my fault, at which point I told them my job was to make coffee, not raise their children for them. They stormed out, with their bratty blubbering offspring in tow. You might think I’m slightly sadistic for gleaning enjoyment out of a child getting hurt, and you might be right, but the way I see it she learned a lesson that day, one that her parent’s most certainly were never going to teach her.”