Sometimes a 2 week notice just doesn't cut it.
Sneaky
“I got this. Worked as a teen for McDonald’s for a month or two during the winter in the 90’s. We were understaffed and they usually had me working the deep sink and taking money at the drive thru. One day I come in at 4pm and the breakfast stuff is piled to the ceiling at the sink because the day shift rolled out without taking care of it, as per usual. There was a snowstorm this particular day and with the amount of dishes to do and the increasing frequency of running over and taking money from the window during the dinner rush, my hands were beginning to hurt, then went completely numb. I let the manager know this wasn’t working out today and got blown off. Forget it, I crawl straight out of the money window without anyone noticing, at least no one on the staff. I get in my car and drive to the parking lot across the street and watch that dinner rush drive thru line back up out of the lot and down the street.”
Calm And Calculated
“I worked at Home Outfitters when I was 17. Worked cash one day per week and stocked shelves/cleaned up the mess of the back room a few other times during the week… Now when I say mess, imagine everything you need to clean the place, plus overstock, plus USING THE CARDBOARD CRUSHER AS A STORAGE UNIT. This backroom was a mess. Anyway one of my cash days I rang up a discount wrong, ended up charging a guy $72 for his purchase rather than $85. Boss yelled at me, told me I was going to pay for it and that he was going to be speaking to the Manager about possibly letting me go. There was his mistake, I was working this job for extra cash, I didn’t need the money. First thing I did in the 4 hours I had left for this shift. I relabeled the entire Vacuum and Kitchen sections wrong. I am saying wrong names, pricing, stock codes, everything. 2 hours left I called the Provinces workplace safety board, and emailed them over 20 photos from my phone on problems in the backroom/on the floor. I then turned off all the cash registers (minus the one being used) right before the 7 o’clock rush (these things were ancient, they took about 20 minutes to boot up). I then asked to see my manager for a moment, he approached me at the front where I said the following “Good luck with the labor board, I’m out of here!” It was the best moment of my life at the time, but in hindsight I should have just left. Funniest part of this whole ordeal was a friend who worked there as well mentioned that it took them all 4 or 5 hours after closing to re-label everything. The machines shorted out when they tried to boot them all. and the next day they were shut down for 48 hours to get their backroom sorted. Manager got fired by corporate, the assistant manager who yelled at me quit because of the pressure. AND for my cherry on top, they had mentioned at orientation IN WRITING that if you had first aid courses you got 25c more per hour. I worked a total of 300+ hours for this place. I emailed my first aid course (that I had through being a part-time army reservist) to corporate and they sent me a check in the mail for the 25c per hour. $75.00 was a lot to 17 year old me NOW that I re-read this I was a bit nasty at that time!”
Best Decision He Ever Made
“I used to work for a telecommunications company. My mom was very sick over the last 3 months of her life, so I had to go home most weekends to see her, it’s a 6 hour journey to get from where I worked to the town where I’m from. When her birthday came around, I requested a couple of days off that I had saved for this specific occasion. Yet, the days off were denied because we were approaching a busy time of year for sales. At this point, I hadn’t mentioned what was happening at home, because well, I was always taught that you keep your work and personal lives separate. But I said it to my boss, who, at the time, I saw as a pretty compassionate person. She never took any issue when I got sick or was late for whatever reason. But when I told her, she just looked at me point blank and said “I don’t want to hear this.” After that meeting, I went back to my desk and sat there for about 20 minutes, thinking of a solution. That solution was to get my things, and just leave. I said goodbye to my friends on my way out, flipped my boss off and just walked out. I went straight to my car and drove back to my home town that night. It was the best decision I ever made. I got to spend all my time with my mom before she went. We even got to go on a vacation and spend one last week away together because I had the time to do so. I’ll never, ever regret walking out that day.
Not exactly “hilarious”, but I had a good chuckle to myself on that drive home. The look on my boss’s face will never leave me. It was sweet.”
“The Look On His Face Was Priceless”
“I used to work for my father. It was probably the worst time of my life. He treated me like absolute garbage, paid me very poorly, and made me work 70+ hours a week. I was young, just out of high school, and I complained about my predicament quite a lot. His response was always “if you don’t like it, there’s the door.” 6 months before I quit, he made me run his night shift, which meant 6PM -6:30AM Monday through Saturday. I was very unhappy about this, so I applied for another job. I got it, and went to my Father’s office with a list of demands, he responded with his usual reply, so I said, “Alright, I’ve gotten a job offer somewhere else, forget you, I quit.” The look on his face was priceless. He truly believed that because I had amazing job security that I’d be willing to put up with anything and that I’d stay there for my entire career. In one short, sweet instant, I proved to him that this was not the case, and he lost his most valuable employee. The icing on the cake was the fact that the job that I left him for is at the company that manufactures the very machinery and software he relies on in business. So any time something goes wrong in his factory, he has to call me to fix it for him.”
You Animal
“I gave in my two weeks notice wearing socks and sandals.”
“The Ear Can Absorb…”
“I had a part-time student job in college as music director in a small church. Everything was fine until they hired a new minister who preached long, annoying sermons in which he either condemned gay people or talk about the “evils of birth control.” I finally couldn’t stand it any more and told him (as I handed in my 2-week notice) that his one-hour harangues reached the point where “the ear can absorb only as much as the rear can endure.”
Got Her There
“I use to work at a retail store during my time in college. The only reason I did this was I already had a job lined up that would pay 1$ more per hour. This was also during the seasonal time where we had a lot of new people working on the floors with very little training. I was working on one side of the aisle and the new employee was on the other side. They were struggling with something , I can’t remember what exactly it was, but I go over and start helping her show her how to do it properly and our real witch of a boss comes down the aisle and starts yelling at me that we need to stop fraternizing and get back to work. I turn around, look her in the eyes and tell her maybe if you learned to actually train people instead of wasting time in her office I wouldn’t need to be helping her with stuff she should have learned the first day. She retorts back if you talk to me like that some more there will be problems. I tell her that there is a problem, you now have to close with one less person as I hand her my gear and walk out the front door. In all it was a good decision because I got an extra 2 weeks off before I started on my new job that I used to work on my solution to a case competition which ultimately lead to my career after college.”
The Micromanager
“Used to work in Invoicing. My boss was a massive, micromanaging witch, the type that has literally nothing better to do than nitpick because they, for some reason, think that that’s how you properly manage. This went on for about two years before and I’d had it.
I took a big ol’ dump in the (one) bathroom in our office (total of about 6 people that worked there). Precariously placed my boss’s business card on the massive log, and then left it there in the toilet before going to her desk and quitting right then and there. She tried to come back at me with some spiteful stuff, but I shut her down, telling her that she’s a sh*t boss and she’s the sole reason that I’m quitting this job. Best day ever…Best dump ever too, now.”
Like A Boss
“There was a UPS strike in the 90s and I was employed by them in high school as a sorter. Blockbuster Video at the time had this mail order deal where you’d get a VHS tape and bags of popcorn. Like a proto-Netflix thing I guess. Anyway, all these boxes full of microwave popcorn and VHS tapes would slide down the belt and about half of the popcorn bags would explode or break. After about an hour there was popcorn dust all over. I asked my boss for a mask, and he said that they didn’t have any. Some of the drivers walked by wearing masks, and I followed them and found a full cabinet full of masks. I confronted my boss, and he was like “the masks are for drivers, only”. So I went back to the sorting area and just stopped working. I just stood there. The belts were backing up with these boxes of popcorn and they would burst and clouds of powdered popcorn butter would fill the air. I waited about 45 minutes before the belt shut off. I walked out through a haze of popcorn dust, with alarms blaring, people running everywhere trying to figure out what was going on. A lot of people didn’t get their VHS tapes that week.”
A Solid Professional Forget You
“Worked as a teller at a bank for a few years, GM and supervisor were both kind of terrible in their own ways. My buddy there was also a teller who felt similarly and wanted to get out. We started applying to places and both got interviews at the same company. As luck would have it, we both got hired and got phone calls about 10 minutes apart. There was only one other teller aside from us and when it got busy, supervisor usually had to jump in as well (and usually hated it). It felt like we were constantly short staffed and days when 1 person would call out sick or be on vacation would suck. Being down 2 people was the worst. Naturally when we both got hired, it became a race to see who could turn in their two weeks notice first. He printed his off and raced into GM’s office, walking out with a big smile. GM calls me in and offers me full time hours (after I had been requesting them for months). I jumped in saying, ‘Let me stop you right there, I’m also turning in my two weeks notice.’ Remembering that look of disbelief will make me smile every time. A solid professional ‘Forget You’ is just as enjoyable to me as going out with a bang.”
“This Is Mine”
“Worked at a restaurant a few years ago that was the pits. It was a terrible place to work but the tips were great so I stuck with it. One guy had had enough of it after his paycheck bounced. So he went into the manager’s office, looked her square in the eye and said, ‘I quit, you stupid loser!’ and placed his apron on the desk. As he was walking through the kitchen he took one of the sacks of flour we used to make dough, threw it over his shoulder and said, ‘This is mine,’ and walked out.”
Epic!
“I was shopping at Walmart one night, probably around 8 or 9, for some laundry detergent. As I was looking for the right isle, a navy blue collared shirt went soaring from cash register 11 to isle 14. I turned to my right and saw a shirtless black man with a 90’s Mike Tyson fade, a golden Jesus necklace, and a chest tattoo that read ‘stew man chu’. After watching his shirt slowly float to the ground, he proceeded to go to his register’s intercom and say “ATTENTION ALL CUSTOMERS, THIS LOSER JUST QUIT!” After putting his high flying middle finger down, he ducked underneath his register, went ahead and pulled out a folded razor scooter with green wheels. He assertively put on his Jansport backpack, pried open the scooter, flung the base of it around his hip. And with one rooster swipe of the shiny Walmart floor, he went from 0 to 60 in 3.5. The automatic doors diverged like the red sea, and the man, without any regret, scooted his way into the arms of unemployment.”
“The Philly Run”
“A friend worked in northern Virginia at an office job he hated. On the day he decided he was done, he clocked in, left, drove to Philadelphia (over 2.5 hours) for a cheesesteak, returned to the office job, and clocked out.”
Sour Cream Squirter
“My friend quit Taco Bell right in the middle of his shift by writing, ‘FORGET YOU, I’M OUT!’ on the floor with the big sour cream squirter.”
Creepy!
“A guy from my work years ago came in high and the boss figured it out. She brought him into the office to fire him and with a cop to take him out. For his final stand, he came real close to her face and said, ‘In a world of darkness, where you carried the only light, I still wouldn’t follow you,’ and left.”